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Looking for wife in entire archive - Found 113 matches in 77 files
Showing results 1 - 25 | Wife In Kitchen, Apr 6 2009 | Wife In Kitchen
Wife In Kitchen
Q: If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? | Like My Wife, Apr 6 2009 | Like My Wife
Like My Wife
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." | Wife Losing Interest, Apr 6 2009 | Wife Losing Interest
Wife Losing Interest
Q: How does a man know when his wife is losing interest? | The angry wife met her husband at the door..., Apr 6 2009 | The angry wife met her husband at the door...
The angry wife met her husband at the door...
The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick.

Laugh Break - A Bad Day, Apr 6 2009
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.
The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. | The 10th Child, Apr 6 2009
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now, I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But I must know. Did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed, "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye, he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Wife In Kitchen

Laugh Break - Silent Treatment, Apr 6 2009
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next day the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early flight to Sydney. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 am."
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. It said, "It's 5 am, wake up."

Laugh Break - Kid's Eye View, Apr 6 2009
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Laugh Break - Kids On Love, Apr 6 2009
Once I m done with kindergarten, I m going to find me a wife! (Tom, 5)
Don't forget your wife's name... That will mess up the love. (Roger, 8)
Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash. (Randy, 8)

Laugh Break - Sunday School Lessons, Apr 6 2009
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is call monotony.

Laugh Break - Landlord Letters, Apr 6 2009
"Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
"When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy." | Poker Face, Apr 6 2009
All his friends didn't know how to break the news to his wife, finally Johnny said, "I can be diplomatic about it and break the news gently!"
Johnny rang the bell at Tim's house, and when his wife answered the door, he calmly said to her, "Tim just gambled with us and lost 1,000 dollars!"
When Tim's wife heard this she said, "Tell him to just drop dead!" | Football Follies, Apr 6 2009
A guy comes home drunk from the bar one night after watching a wonderful night of football. His wife, is of course, sleeping so he tries to sneak into bed. He lies in bed for a few minutes and cuts the biggest fart you've ever heard. His wife suddenly wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The wife asks, "Now, what in the world was that?"

Hospital Humor & Doctor Jokes, Apr 6 2009
The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!"
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"

Laugh Break - Letters To Dear Abby, Apr 6 2009
DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? -- Wondering
DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? -- BESS

Laugh Break - Paper Walls, Apr 6 2009
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

Laugh Break - Job Applicants, Apr 6 2009
A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
Asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security. | The Equipment, Apr 6 2009
The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read.
While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. | Stuffed Lion, Apr 6 2009
The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife."
"My ex-wife" replied the hunter. | Lost In The Supermarket, Apr 6 2009
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

There was a doctor and he was having an affair with his nurse, she came to him and said she was pregnant, he told her he would pay for her to go to Paris and have the baby so his wife wouldn't find out.
Nine months later the doctor's wife calls him at work and says, we received the strangest postcard in the mail, he asked what did it say?

Doctor Jokes and Medical Humor, Apr 6 2009
The man took the rod home and a week later tried to attempt the cleaning himself. However, he couldn't get it in at the right angle by himself so he called in his wife. She sympathetically shoved it up and cleaned his colon for him when he let out a gasp.
"What is it Sweetheart?" asked his wife.

Laugh Break - Things People Say, Apr 6 2009
A friend of mine and her husband went to Toys R Us to get a ball for their grandson. The name of the ball was "Ugly Balls". They searched the store but were unable to find them. The wife saw a salesperson and went over and asked him, "Do you have Ugly Balls?" She wouldn't have thought anything about this except... her husband was rolling on the floor laughing.

Laugh Break - Dreams, Apr 6 2009
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Laugh Break - Families Are Forever, Apr 6 2009
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.

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