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Looking for pope in entire archive - Found 42 matches in 15 files
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Funny Religious Jokes and Humorous Stories About Religion, Dec 7 2006

Funny Political Jokes and Humorous Politician Stories, Dec 7 2006

Criminal Jokes and Cop Humor, Dec 7 2006

Funny Rabbi Jokes and Jewish Humour, Dec 7 2006
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices an unusally fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What is that phone for?" he asks the pontiff.
"It's my direct line to the Lord." The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord. The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him.
This is great! But listen, I want to pay for my phone charges." The Pope, of course, refuses, but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the pontiff gives in.
A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In The the Chief Rabbi's chambers, he sees a phone identical to his and learns it is also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can use the Rabbi's phone. The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and the Pope chats away.
After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges. Of course, the Chief Rabbi refuses to accept payment.
After the Pope insists, the Rabbi relents and looks on the phone counter.Shekel 50" ($0.42).
The Pope looks surprised, "Why so cheap?"

Bill Clinton Jokes - US Political Humor, Dec 7 2006
Bill Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged.
The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye to the Pope as he went off to heaven.
On his way up, the Pope met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Funny Catholic Jokes, Dec 7 2006
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.

Criminal Jokes and Cop Humor, Dec 7 2006
The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn't have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.
The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
"I don't know, Sir," replies the trooper, "But he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!

Laugh Break Stories - Bubba Knows Everybody, May 30 2006
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?" What's New? Lists Stories Quotes Search About Donate

Laugh Break Stories - Daily Chicken, May 30 2006
LAUGH BREAK What's New? | Lists | Stories | Quotes | Search | About | Donate Daily Chicken A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken....' we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church".
The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
Again the Pope replies "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
The next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news.

Lawyer Jokes, Dec 7 2006
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters.
The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, "I'm really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations."

Laugh Break Lists - Ads Gone Astray, May 30 2006
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

Laugh Break Stories - How To Attend A Meeting, May 30 2006
Another is to have an accomplice interrupt the meeting and announce that you have a phone call from someone very important, such as the president of the company or the Pope. It should be one or the other, however, not both. It would a sound fishy if the accomplice said, "You have a call from the president of the company, or the Pope."

Laugh Break Stories - Loan Request, May 30 2006
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is an emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God who, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to h--- you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our d--- loan?" They got it.

Laugh Break Lists - More Newspaper Headlines, May 30 2006
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Laugh Break Quotes - Kids On Science, May 30 2006
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

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