Laugh Break - Lists, May 30 2006
Answering Machine Messages
Laugh Break Lists - Answering Machine Messages, May 30 2006
Laugh Break Lists - Answering Machine Messages
LAUGH BREAK What's New? | Lists | Stories | Quotes | Search | About | Donate Answering Machine Messages Hi. Now you say something.
Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Laugh Break Stories - The Mall Machine, May 30 2006
Laugh Break Stories - The Mall Machine
LAUGH BREAK What's New? | Lists | Stories | Quotes | Search | About | Donate The Mall Machine An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
Blonde Jokes, Dec 7 2006
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
Laugh Break Stories - Crime Doesn't Pay, May 30 2006
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked, fled & left the chain still attached to the machine & their bumper (license plate still attached). IN THE BAG
Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Office Humor and Business Jokes, Dec 7 2006
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Laugh Break Lists - Useless Facts, May 30 2006
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
Laugh Break Quotes - Deep Thoughts (by Jack Handey), May 30 2006
I'm not sure I want to get the nickname "the love machine" because how would that affect my nickname now, which is "the lawn cutting machine?"
Nutty names from kidsjokes.co.uk, Dec 7 2006
What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?
werewolf jokes - scary jokes, Dec 7 2006
What happened when the wolf fell in the washing machine ?
Knock Knock Jokes - Hundreds !, Dec 7 2006
Darren young man on the flying machine !
Werewolf jokes collection, Dec 7 2006
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
Crazy definitions, silly meanings, Dec 7 2006
Early machine for making arrows
why I don't have my homework, Dec 7 2006
I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
Yo Momma's So Fat, Dec 7 2006
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Blonde Jokes, Blonde Stories and One Liners from the Comedy Zone, Dec 7 2006
AT THE COKE MACHINE
Laugh Break Lists - 101 Ways To Be Annoying, May 30 2006
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inchpaper, 99 copies.
Laugh Break Stories - Idiots, May 30 2006
AN IDIOT'S IDIOT Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect was telling a lie. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Laugh Break Stories - Dumb Criminals, May 30 2006
In Rhode Island, cops were sure they had the right guy when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts paid his $400 bail entirely in quarters.
Laugh Break Stories - Dumb People, May 30 2006
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Laugh Break Stories - The Technologically Challenged, May 30 2006
Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective." Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)