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Looking for drunk in entire archive - Found 54 matches in 31 files
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Criminal Jokes and Cop Humor, Dec 7 2006
DRUNK DRIVING STORIES

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?"
Then the Good Samaritan got to think that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs.
However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk, Then went back downstairs.
To his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over toward him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, save me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"

Beer Humor, Dec 7 2006
An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again he slurs "give me a drink."
The bartender says "No man I told you last time you're too drunk"
Five minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says "You're too drunk"
The drunk scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."

Beer Humor, Dec 7 2006
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!" Everyone expects a fight but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.
Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad---you're drunk again!"

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a street-light, evidently looking for something. A passer-by, being a good Samaritan, offered to help. "What is it you have lost?" he asked.
"My watch," replied the drunk. "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement."
"About half a block up the street," replied the drunk.
The drunk said: "Because the light's a lot better here."

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there pal?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes.
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

Bar Jokes at the Comedy Zone, Dec 7 2006
There's a drunk guy who decides that he wants to go fishing. He packs up all his tackle and sets out in search of a suitable spot.
Suddenly, a loud voice booms out at him, "There's no fish in here." The drunk looks all around him but can't see anyone. He decides to ignore the voice and carries on sawing.
"Who are you" shouts the drunk guy, "you don't scare me!"

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are yer absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

High School Jokes and College Humor, Dec 7 2006
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

Bar Jokes, Drinking Stories Beer Humour from the Comedy Zone, Dec 7 2006
DRUNK DRIVING

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."
"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

Bar Jokes at the Comedy Zone, Dec 7 2006
An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?"
The old drunk replies, "That's right, now tell me how old I am."

Bar Jokes at the Comedy Zone, Dec 7 2006
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.
Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

Bar Jokes, Drinking Stories Beer Humour from the Comedy Zone, Dec 7 2006
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRUNK WHEN...

farm yard jokes-jokes about cows, pigs, sheep, chickens & more !, Dec 7 2006
What do you get from a drunk chicken ?

Joke of the Month: May 2003, Dec 7 2006
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

Beer Humor, Dec 7 2006
YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRUNK WHEN...

Yo Momma's So Ugly, Dec 7 2006
her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Redneck Jokes, Dec 7 2006
You've been too drunk to fish.

Redneck Jokes, Dec 7 2006
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Redneck Jokes, Dec 7 2006
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling Feebird!

Political Jokes - US Political Humor, Dec 7 2006
84 were stopped for drunk driving

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.

Bar Jokes, Dec 7 2006
When the meal finally arrives, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves the bar.


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